My Healthy Love

10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women’s Lives

October 28, 2007 on 5:16 am | In Dr Grace's Book Reviews | 3 Comments

This book is written for you. It will guide you to successfully face and remove the obstacles that are keeping you from getting the loving and the healthy relationship that you deserve. My mother’s death is the foundation upon which I wrote this book. When I was ten years old, my beautiful young mother was murdered in front of me by her obsessive ex lover who became a stalker. Several years later my aunt met a similar fate. I’ve openly shared their tragic and unhealthy relationship stories with you in this honest relationship  book to help you avoid being victimized by any similar experience.
 
This classic Essence magazine and Barnes & Noble bestseller is a lively provocative guide that shows you how to successfully face and remove the obstacles that keep you from achieving the happy, healthy relationship you deserve. Although dedicated to African-American women 10 Bad Choices exposes the emotional, social, and psychological roadblocks all women unconsciously place  in the way of their own successes. It also equips both single and married women with the tools to tear down these barriers. I’ve analyzed ten of the most common mistakes women make in their lives regarding men and show you how to avoid or correct them.

Relying on case studies, interview, and the letters received, I’ve compiled this frank and refreshing relationship manual to get to the heart of the matter by illuminating why many contemporary women, no matter how smart, savvy, and successful, continue to make unhealthy relationship choices and lose at the dating game, and shows them how to face, erase and replace these problems. The winner of many awards, a favorite in several reading groups around the country, and endorsed by numerous relationship experts, 10 Bad Choices will free you from past disasters, correct present mistakes, and prevent future unhealthy relationship mishaps.

I’ve selected these three chapters to give you a brief insight of the honest discussion that is contained in this relationship book:

Bad Choice #1: Sisters Dissin’ Sisters

 Have you ever wondered why so many women choose to be so competitive with and disrespectful of each other? Have you ever been in a situation where a friend or acquaintance has gossiped about you, betrayed your trust, and/or flirted heavily or cheated with your man? In this chapter, you’ll find out the distasteful, yet common practice of women disrespecting other women, whether over a man, money, or job, and how to avoid being a victim.

 Bad Choice #4:  Exchanging “Sexual Dealings” for Loving Feelings

We have all heard the saying “haste makes wastes”, but too often we fail to apply the logic to sex in our relationships. Very often women surrender sex too soon without a compatible, monogamous agreement, secretly hoping that somewhere along the way the man will eventually fall in love with them. And when he fails to make a deeper commitment, or pulls a disappearing act, we become broken-hearted. We get hurt because we fool ourselves into believing that if a man enjoys having sex with us, enjoys breathing hard and enjoys coming back for repeated performances, then it must mean he is in love with us. This chapter shows you that what he is in love with is the performance, not the performer. He may appreciate you for sharing the act with him, but in his mind appreciation does not equal commitment. 

Bad Choice #6: Staying On, Although Respect Has Gone

When popular recording artist Tina Turner released the song “What’s Love Got to Do with It?”, it immediately catapulted to the top of the music charts around the globe. This woman endured her own hellish nightmare with an abusive, disrespectful husband for years.Had she not fled for her life, she probably wound not have been alive to sing this song of survival which struck a familiar chord deep within millions of us. What’s extremely alarming is the number of women who remain in life-threatening relationships rather than seek help from a friend, a professional, or anyone because they are either afraid or too embarrassed to “air their dirty laundry out in public.” Using candid accounts of my own mother’s story, this chapter will encourage and strengthen you to understand that is better to be alive with a little dirty laundry than to be dead with all the clean linen in the world. If respect is gone, it’s time to move on.

Throughout this book, I share with you my personal stories as well as stories of other women (and men) from my private consultations, my advice on national TV talk shows, in seminars, workshops and my relationship columns. Some of the stories may sadden you, others may amuse you, some may anger you, and many may shock you, but all will certainly have an important impact on your life. They will give you a candid picture of how to avoid the 10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women’s Lives.

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