My Healthy Love

Is Eddie Murphy just low-down or is he really on the down-low in love?

After hooking up for only two weeks of marriage to Tracy Edmonds, Eddie Murphy decide to call it quits before the honeymoon bliss could settle in. It was reported on MSNBC a few hours ago that Mr. Murphy is filing for divorce from his most recent bride. Shocking? Consider this, low-down tactic: just last year the actor hooked up with sister spice girl Mel B then left her pregnant and denied the love child she was carrying belonged to him. Shamefully for him, the very same media he used to bash the sister, is the same media that reported that the DNA prove that was indeed his child. Is Eddie using these women as a shield to cover a hidden secret? It was a public surprise some years back when the California police busted Mr. Murphy with a transvestite in his car at 4:00 am in the morning…

Archbishop Earl Paulk fathered a child with his brother’s wife

What a crying shame!  The Associated Press reported early this morning that the 80-year-old Archbishop Earl Paulk is at the center of a sex scandal because he had sex with his brother’s wife and fathered a child by her.  It is reported that this is not the first, nor second, sex scandal involving Paulk, who is the leader of the suburban Atlanta megachurch, Cathedral of the Holy Spirit.  His secret was exposed by a recent court-ordered paternity test.  The son he fathered by his sister-in-law  (34-year-old D.E. Paulk, now the new leader of the church) was known publicly as Paulk’s nephew until the paternity test revealed this distrubing secret.  The court order came because of a current sex-for-salvation lawsuit that Paulk is now entangled with.  Both he and his brother, along with the church are being sued by Mona Brewer, a former church employee, who revealed that Earl Paulk manipulated her into a sexual affair with him from 1989 to 2003 by telling her that having sex with him was her only path to salvation.  Last January, in front of his church, the sexually philandering Paulk admitted to having the affair with Brewer.  In a disposition that branched from the lawsuit in 2006, the archbishop lied under oath and said that the only woman he ever had intercourse with outside of his marriage was Mona Brewer.  But, the court-ordered paternity test proved otherwise and show the shocking fact that he did have sex with his own brother’s wife.  After more than ten years of sex scandals and lawsuits involving Paulk (and his brother), this infidel is exposed. 

I find this to be absolutely ridiculous and disgusting.   If you assume or accept a position of leadership in the church and you cannot stick to the commitment because of your personal weakness, then go and find another profession or calling and stop soiling the Lord’s church and misleading His people.  And for those gullible enough to believe you can buy or sex your way into heaven by sleeping with a so-called leader, then I encourage you to get into your prayer closet as Jesus instructed in the New Testament–read your Bible and pray for understanding of God’s revelation.  The simple truth is, there are many honest and awesome pastors and church leaders, but we cannot ignore the unfortunate fact that there are also many modern-day false prophets, priest, and pastors who are pimping themselves on the pulpit either to solocit money, fame, or sexual gratification.  

Paulk’s exposure will certainly not be an isolated case.  Within a short time period, you’ll see many, many more false prophets and leaders being exposed.  After all, as the old adage states, “you cannot use a white sheet to cover black ink.”  Eventually, what is hidden will be exposed.  The Bible states it in this manner, “But there were also false prophets among the people even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction.”  [2nd Peter 2:1 NKJV]   

Reese Witherspoon’s Ex-Husband Ryan Phillippe Contemplated Suicide Over Divorce

Earlier this morning I read that the ex-husband of actress Reese Witherspoon revealed in a recent review that he contemplated suicide because he was so distraught by their matrimonial split.  Ryan Phillippe openly shared his feelings in a U.K. publication Man About Town.  He said “After the divorce, I was a physical wreck.  I wanted to die.  I was ready to kill myself.  I was not taking care of myself at all.  I would wake up and cry and vomit.”

Witherspoon and Phillippe were once billed as “Hollywood’s Golden Couple,” until allergations started to circulate that Phillippe was having an affair with a co-star while working on a film.  The alleged co-star was newcomer, Australian actress Abbie Cornish (not a relative of mine).  This was followed by the public spilt between Reese and Ryan.  Reese has since moved on and found comfort in the arms and heart of her new love, actor Jake Gyllenhaal.  Their relationship also started while they were filming a movie together.

My sincere compassion to Phillipe for the unhealthy emotional feelings he experienced.  I hope he has sought or is seeking proper guidance to help him trough the transition.  In my professional opinion, I believe Phillipe is suffering from despondency because he realized his mistake after he had lost his marriage due to his alleged affair and is now unfortunately suffering the sad consequences of the all too familiar situation of infidelity-leading-to divorce.  The couple, who had been together for approximately seven years, share two children together, cited “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for their split.  But honestly, I had already predicted trouble in the marriage once Reese won the 2006 Oscar for her role in “Walk The Line.”  Sure enough, the allegations of Ryan’s infidelity and split followed directly after.  

Usually when you have two high-powered people in a marriage or relationship, and one or the other’s career isn’t doing as well as their mate’s,  it can cause petty jealousies if both people aren’t in a healthy love balance.  And, if the jealousy isn’t examined, dealt with, and removed, it can lead to infidelity, anger, and other serious unhealthy relationship issues.  This is mostly displayed in the case where the woman is doing better than the man—either earning more money, advancing more in career, or becoming more famous.  The male ego can be very sensitive in these situations.  It takes a really secure, dedicated, and special man to wholeheartedly support a successful or famous wife, without feeling like he doesn’t measure up.  Feelings of inadequacy often leads to acts of infidelity.

Contrary to popular belief, my research over the past ten years has shown that usually when a man cheats on his wife, it’s not because he feels his wife doesn’t measure up, but in fact it is because he feels insecure about how he’s measuring up.  I encourage you to get real information by observing real life.  You can read extensively about eye-opening cases of unhealthy relationships and the effective healthy relationship solutions I provide in The Band-Aid Bond (How to uncover the hidden causes and break the pattern of unhealthy loving).   

Being involved in a love triangle is a no-win game!

I just read a very disturbing report that a young 22-year-old pregnant woman and her unborn baby were both deliberately killed by another young woman over a man they were both involved with.  This gut-wrenching story happened in South Los Angeles, and was just released by CBS Broadcasting, Inc. and the Associated Press a few hours ago.  What a tragic and deplorable waste of human life!  Apparently, the two women arranged to meet at a gas station to discuss their involvement with the one man, then the confrontation turned into a ugly fight.  It is reported that as the five-month pregnant victim, Shontae Treniece Blanche, turned to walk away, the other woman, 21-year-old Unique Bishop, became enraged, got into her car, and intentionally rammed it into Blanche and three onlookers, violently killing Blanche and her baby and seriously injuring the others.  The report stated that Bishop fled the scene, then later turned herself in, and is now being held on $1 Million bail and facing murder charges. 

I’m truly saddened by this horrific ordeal.  I’m saddened because of these two young women—girls, barely past the threshold of young adulthood—whose lives have been destroyed by this senseless crime.  I’m especially grieving for Blanche and her family.  I’m not going to psychoanalyze Bishop’s mindset here because of the seriousness of this case, but I’m going to address the danger of being involved in a unhealthy three-way relationship.  As a relationship expert for TV talk shows and the in-house staff psychologist for the former Queen LatifahTV talk show, I deal with cases involving triangular relationships frequently.  The results are often the same: the two women always end up verbally or physically fighting each other, while the cheating man sits silently in the middle, and to the women’s surprise there is usually a third woman lurking around nearby.  On Page 17 of 10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women’s Lives, I describe how the cheater is usually involved with a Trina, Nina, and Gina at the same time.  However, let me be fair and balanced, and state that in many cases, the cheating men do not force the women to stay in the relationship, but the women themselves decide to stay to see who can win him over.  It’s a defeating unhealthy relationship game where no one wins.  I address this dilemma extensively on Page 65 of my bestselling book, The Band-Aid Bond (How to Break the Pattern of Unhealthy Loving).  In Chapter 5: Clinging to a Three-Way Love Affair, I expose the lies, cover-ups, and emotional entanglements involved in cheating relationships. 

I wish I had the opportunity to have met and coached both Blanche and Bishop before this tragedy occurred.  Maybe, just maybe, I could have helped to preserve and turn their lives around through my healthy relationship and life-empowerment books and programs.  Unfortunately, Bishop’s fate is beyond my help at this point and is now in the hands of law as a consequence for callously snuffing out someone else’s life because of emotional distraught.  

You know what I find especially senseless about this crime?  The reason why these two young women confronted each other was because of the man they were both involved with.  This led to them fighting over him, which resulted with one tragically murdered and the other in jail, therefore, neither of them will have him anyway.  No one wins!  Please let this sad, unfortunate situation be a wake-up call for all who are involved in defeating unhealthy three-way relationships.    

Brittany Spears is Crying Out for Help!

A relationship expert, life coach, and minister’s opinion of what’s really plaguing the Pop Princess. It is the easiest thing to speak negatively about Brittany Spears and the strange public behavior she displays, but I refuse to do so because I have nothing but compassion for her at this point in her life.  Certainly, not because of who she is, but definitely, becauseof where she is heading. If she does’t get real help soon, unfortunately, she is going to have a serious breakdown. There is hardly a day that goes by without Brittany being featured in some bizarre way in the media. I cannot blame reputable media sources like CNN, TMZ and Entertainment Tonight, because sadly  Brittany is giving them lots of unhealthy material to work with.  However, instead of sitting on the sidelines waiting for this young woman to mentally crash, let us try to understand that the underlying factor of her ongoing unhealthy behavior is really a cry for help—for real help.    

The most recent report is of the Pop Princess’ over-the-top spending habit.  I was watching CNN this weekend and headlined was Brittany’s monthly expenditures.  It was reported that Brittany earns $750,000 each month, out of which she has numerous expenses, including paying $35,000 every month to her ex-husband Kevin Federline for child support.  However, the most highlighted feature revealed that Brittany spends $102, 000 each month in attempt to keep herself entertained. 

 Spending over one hundred thousand dollars each month in search of entertainment, in my expert opinion, is a serious cry for help!  Let me break it down to a more realistic average sum that everyone can understand.  If you are earning $7,500 each month and out of that you have to pay mortgage, utilities, and other expenses, but you still spend $1,000, just to try to keep yourself entertained, something is definitely wrong.  Just like in Brittany’s case.  The difference is there are more zeros attached to her earnings, but the outcome is still the same.  Realistically, more zeros do not add more happiness.  If you are squandering such a large portion of your earnings searching for external happiness, it’s an attempt to fill an internal void.  The question is what emptiness is Brittany trying to fill? 

Here we have a young woman, who was propelled to mega stardom from a very early age, without being preparing to living real life.  She was once the public and media darling, yet the very same sources that once built her as the ideal, are the very same to display her as an out-of-control, unstable has-been.  The simple truth is the general public is fickle when it comes to “idols” and stars.  They will love them one moment, and neglect them as soon as “the next best thing” comes along.

 It’s an entire game and this is how it’s played:  First, the would-be-star’s management company selects their “new discovery.”  They groom them for stardom, while setting the publicity machines is place.  Once the star is conditioned to make their public debut, then, the major publicity hits, the general public embraces the new kid on the block, and the Paparazzi stalking begins.  The new star is given an average of a three-to- five year A-list run before they are dethroned by the next new wave of talent being introduced to the market. 

Here’s where the problem with Brittany lies.  The Pop Princess has had a pretty remarkable run and has built a wide range of loyal fans.  Regrettably, no one has taught her how to assimilate into living real life.  Therefore, she has made many reckless and unhealthy choices regarding life and love: From her impromptu one-day marriage in Las Vegas, followed by the sting of short-term unhealthy relationships, to the K-Fed affair-turned-marriage-turned divorced drama.  Added within this sad melody are the horrific experiences of losing custody of her two sons,  the notorious photos and images of her deliberately-exposed private parts all over the internet, and the pubic display of her infamous head shaving.  This led to a couple short-term stints in treatment centers, which apparently led to no long-term solutions, but instead to led to reports of her being involved in other unhealthy relationships and flings.  Brittany would benefit greatly from my national bestselling book The Band Aid Bond, where I show how to effectively “uncover the hidden causes and break the pattern of unhealthy loving.”      

What especially concerns and saddens me about Brittany’s plight is, here’s a young woman who has been unfairly used and still being used as a money-earning commodity by many. And it’s quite apparent that they will not stop until she hits rock bottom, resulting in a breakdown. Brittany is spiraling out of control—the excessive spending to find outside happiness is only a cover up, a cry for help. Keep in mind, under all of the fame, there is a scared human being, crying out for help.  Do you keep mocking her or do you extend an effective helping hand? 

The good news is, Brittany can be helped.  What she really need is a healthy sense of self, a healthy relationship with God, and healthy love in her life (both from the family who claim to care and then from so-called friends to help her stop recklessly searching for love and happiness in a series of one-night-stands), but most importantly, from herself first.  Until she gets emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually well, she will keep attracting unhealthy relationships and people into her life who want to use her, then kiss and tell about it in an open media forum.  She needs to be restored and educated to get in touch with the real Brittany and learn how to make a clear demarcation between “ Brittany the Public Persona” and “Brittany the Private Person”. There is a distinct difference between the two, and until Brittany and every other star, or would-be star, learn how to separate the two, they will always experience the lift-up then tear-down confusing emotional roller-coaster ride to and from stardom.