My Healthy Love

The Sanctified Bond

This insightful, inspirational book became an instant bestseller in Barnes & Noble at the New York City book-signing launch, selling out within the first half an hour.  I wrote The Sanctified Bond to inspire you to know your worth and how valuable you are to God, our Creator, Christ, our Savior, and the Holy Spirit, our Comforter.  The purpose of this spiritually-uplifting guide is to introduce some and encourage others to walk into a deep and personal spiritually healthy relationship with Jesus.  Not as a far away, historical figure, but as a real life down-to-earth Messiah, Who was God’s perfect salvation plan, wrapped in flesh, come down to earth to reconcile humanity to its Maker.  The six chapters are all arranged to bring you into a closer, empowering, and purposeful walk with the Lord.  

The following will give you a brief overview of three sample chapters: 

Chapter #1: Knowing Jesus

Who was this man called Jesus?  Who was this man Who possessed such awesome power that at the sound of His voice the winds and the waves obeyed and were still, yet He possessed such amazing compassion that He wept for the people?  Who was this man, Who with one word, legions of demons would flee from His presence, yet little children would gravitate so close to Him that He would lay loving hands on their little heads and blessed them?  Who was this man Who had such a noble and royal stature that men and women would sit at His feet and worship, yet He was humble enough to sit and eat with publicans, sinners, and everyday folks from all walks of life?  This man was Jesus, The Down-to-Earth Messiah — the very Son of God, Who came down to earth, wrapped in human form.  He cane to restore a world whose inhabitants had a broken relationship with their Heavenly Father, and to give our lives direction, meaning, and purpose.

Chapter #4: Why Worry When You Can Pray?

Have you ever tried to think clearly while worrying?  It doesn’t work does it?  Your thoughts go bouncing all over the place, like mental aerobics in a psychological gymnasium, until you are able to calm down.  It’s during the calm that the good ideas really come through.  There is a fine line between being concerned about something and compulsively worrying about it.  Being concerned is wise because you can calmly sit down and make effective plans to solve the problem or achieve the goal.  Ongoing worry is unhealthy because it blocks your thinking faculties and causes distress and fear, which will block you from thinking straight enough to come up with proper answers to any of life’s puzzles.  Jesus said it best in the Book of Matthew: “Which of you by taking thought [worrying] can add one cubit to his stature?..if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, o ye of little faith?”  These words of Jesus are so true and profound that they changed my entire outlook and were a major turning point in my life fifteen years ago.  They gave me the courage to write my first book which became a major bestseller in both the English version and the Spanish translation.

Chapter #6: What if We Used Our Bibles Like Our Cell Phones?

The most sacred and bestselling book ever written is the Bible.  It is the most historical, yet the most modern, up-to-date life manual that has ever or will ever exist in our lifetime.  That’s because the Bible is God’s personal letter and sacred life-instruction manual to humanity.   The Spirit of the Lord has inspired chosen individuals throughout the ages to write the Word of God.  All the prophets of the Old Testament  (OT) and the apostles of the New Testament (NT) did not speak on their own behalf.  These men were chosen channels through which God’s Words were written for humanity to obtain, read, and study.  The writers were all inspired by the same Spirit of the Lord.  That’s why you won’t find any opposition or contradiction between the OT and the NT.  What was prophesied in the OT about the coming Messiah has been fulfilled in the NT by our Lord and Savior, Jesus.  Many people, both in and out of church, are living defeated lives because they don’t understand or use the power of God’s words.  We can’t deny that today we are more technologically advanced than any other time in recorded history.  Our personal computers, laptops, and cell phones are among our most precious commodities.  Cell phones seem to have become a “must-have” across the generational lines—connecting grandparents, parents, and children.  Most youth today can program a cell phone faster than they can flip through the pages of a Bible to The Lord’s Prayer.  Can you imagine if we were to to our Bibles like we use our cell phones today?

Written with accuracy, wisdom and simplicity, The Sanctified Bond presents Jesus like you’ve never seen Him before—as “The Down-to-Earth Messiah.”  Endorsed by some of today’s prominent pastors, this uplifting guide will capture the interest of the most astute scholar, yet inspire the understanding of a little child.  Joined by my twelve-year-old daughter, Dena, we show you how any generation can have a sanctified relationship with God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit.  After reading this guide, your life will be changed in a mighty big way! Are you ready to receive your blessing?

The Sacred Bond

This book is dedicated to you because it’s simply your turn to be loved.  The Sacred Bond is the highly-anticipated follow-up to my previous international bestseller, The Band-Aid Bond.  This healthy relationship manual gives you 7 Spiritual Truths to Recognize and Marry Your Very Own Soul Mate.  Whether you’re single, divorced, widowed, or in-between marriages, it’s time to say goodbye to romantic guessing and say hello to God-centered blessing!  What makes The Sacred Bond so special and unique is, it helps you to remove the false beliefs that there aren’t any marriageable men available. and not enough good ones to go around.  With this spiritually-sound program, you are going to meet the compatible soul match for you.  All it entails is for you to recognize “the one” that God has already made specifically with you in mind (and for your soul mate to recognize you also).  By following this spiritually healthy relationship program, you will never indulge in any reckless unhealthy relationship game or any emotional roller-coaster ride with any unsuitable character who may want to drop in your life for a quick recess and then do a disappearing act.  It’s time for you to attract and enjoy real sacred healthy love.  My unique program is not only endorsed by many of today’s leading pastors, psychologists, and celebrities, it is also used as a “required reading” by many Singles Ministries in some of the most prominent churches and by numerous women’s organizations around the country. 

Here are a brief overview of three of the seven chapters in this psychologically-sound, Biblical-based relationship program:   

Chapter #2: Be Not Unequally Yoked (Avoid the Deadweight Date; Attract the Heavyweight Mate)

Have you ever suffered from wearing tight, ill-fitting shoes?  What a horrendous experience—you can’t think properly!  Just about every part of your being suffers from the affliction and pain the ill-fitting shoe is causing you—your head hurts, your teeth, your ears, your ankles, your toes—you are completely agitated.  When you get involved with a mate who isn’t the proper fit, who isn’t the right one for you—even if you believe that in time, he’ll eventually stretch to suit your needs—you are setting yourself up for great discomfort and pain.  Two of the major causes of pain and breakups are incompatibility and unrealistic expectations.  You are a worthwhile individual who deserves to be loved completely and unconditionally.  Don’t waste your precious time and emotions trying to change or “stretch” the wrong man.  Instead, concentrate on becoming the best you that you can be.  Conserve your energy, self-respect, and precious body temple for the right, mature, willing, and decent mate who really wants to be with you exclusively.  Avoid the torture—shop wisely for a comfortable pair and a healthy relationship! 

Chapter #4: Seek and You Will Find (Exploring the Best Places to Meet a Decent Mate)

It is alleged that in North America alone there are over eight million more available marriageable women than there are available marriageable men.  If we attempt to meet and marry a man based on the psychological, emotional, and physical aspects alone, we would be playing a hit-or-miss guessing game because the statistical figure just wouldn’t add up.  However, let me share the good news with you.  When you add the spiritual aspect to the equation, you will attract admirers on a higher level who would love to meet you.  I don’t believe in luck, coincidences, or odds, especially when it comes to people’s lives and their spiritual and emotional investments.  I believe in the Holy Spirit’s blessings, coupled with a discerning spirit and a practical approach, so you can choose and refuse in a manner that’s pleasing to God.  The purpose of this chapter is to inform you where to meet available and decent potential suitors, and to enable you to form amicable non-sexual friendships with decent and upstanding men, before deciding to accept or refuse a date. 

Chapter #5: Knock and It Will Be Opened to You (Opening the Door to Purposeful Dating)

Keep in mind, dating does not mean relating or mating (no emotional involvement in this phase).  Relating is discussed in Chapter 6, where it shows you how to move from dating to courtship.  Courting is dating with a purpose—that purpose is to help you recognize and marry you own soul mate.  Realistically speaking, in regards to mating, there are some women who men wed and there are others who they only bed.  In other words, no monogamous contract, no sexual contact.  Let him first prove that he’s worthy of you.  The purpose of this chapter is to help you find out whether a potential suitor is worth your time and attention to move from the dating stage, to the courting stage, and then to the matrimonial stage.  In order to effectively move from one stage to another, from the initial How do you do to getting the I do, you must pay close attention to early warning signals.

If you are ready to experience you own supernatural hookup from God, then this amazing, easy-to-read, healthy relationship guidebook will equip you with the winning formula for Getting to the ‘I Do.’  It happened to me and to many others who I have personally coached through my relationships books, Cd’s and seminars.  Now, it’s your turn.  The Sacred Bond will surely lead you to the altar right next to your very own soul match!   

The Band-Aid Bond

Being in love, doesn’t mean being in pain!  This book will save you from heartache and pain.  It is no secret that there is a growing epidemic of thousands of women who have a lot of healing and self-mending to do because of the emotional wear-and-tear caused by what I call band-aid bonding.   Band-Aid Bonding occurs when a woman is in a broken, unstable, unhealthy relationship, where she’s the emotional adhesive strip trying to hold it together by putting aside her own emotional scars, while covering up or tending to her mate’s toxic wounds.  Both my mother and aunt were murdered by their toxic mates from abusive relationships; therefore, I am on a serious mission through this book to get every woman out of all forms of detrimental and unhealthy relationships.  In a non-judgmental, but firm and loving manner, The Band-Aid Bond will help you to take a deep and thorough look at your own personal selection process and responsibilities for removing any unhealthy subconscious cover-up or denial in order to heal the deep-seated or hidden emotional wounds.  In this powerful relationship guide, which is organized in three profound healing sections with 14 chapters, I give both single and married women the necessary information and encouragement to: Discover the Signs, Uncover the Causes, and Recover from the Syndrome of an unhealthy relationship.   The Band-Aid Bond is endorsed by many of today’s leading psychologists, pastors, and marriage therapists.  An award-winning bestseller since 2004, this is not just a book, it’s a healing program. The following are three sample chapters in this life-changing book:  

Chapter #2: Mistaken Identity

Every week I receive numerous emails and letters from women who confide that they’re experiencing pain caused by the shock of realizing that their husbands or lovers aren’t who they thought they were initially involved with.  In this chapter, we will explore the dilemma of women who have been awakened to what’s described as “familiar strangers” in their beds and their lives.  You are shown specific behavioral patterns of dishonest, emotionally-unavailable, chameleon-like mates.  This will help you to discern and understand the hidden emotions and mindset of calculating tricksters.  If you are a single woman, you will be privy to early warning signals that will help you recognize the cunning tactics of the hit-n-run and bait-n-switch players before you get hooked.  If you are already married or involved in a relationship, you’ll benefit greatly from the necessary tools to help you decide what’s in your best interest and whether it will be worthwhile to carry on or best to move on.

Chapter #5: Clinging to a Three-Way Love Affair

This chapter investigates a taboo subject that too many relationship books erroneously neglect.  While Chapter 4 explore wives and steady girlfriends who were partially or fully neglected by mates, this one details mistresses or “outside women” who agonize over being involved with partially-available men.  Although there are many women who purposely hunt for married men and others who claim that by some act of fate, they just always “happen” to be entangled with somebody else’s mate, there are actually some cases of women who honestly did not find out that they were involved with a cheater during the initial few months of dating.  I believe that there are always clues– even though some are very subtle and hard to detect.  When a woman ignores her intuition, the still small voice within, and is plunged into the depth of infatuation, she becomes blinded by the possibilities of escalating love, and does not thoroughly check the man out before letting him deeper and deeper into her heart.  Then, by the time the fraudulent beau is exposed, or confesses that he is already married or involved, she has already fallen in love with him and deeply entrenched in a no-win unhealthy relationship situation.  This is a subject that needs to be dealt with in order to unravel the real reasons why a woman would have an affair with a married or already-involved man.  I fully analyze two distinct experiences:
1) Type A- The woman who was initially tricked because of mistaken trust.
2) Type B - The woman who willfully entered a three-way affair with the hopes of becoming the exclusive lover. 

Chapter #6: When He’s Dangerously Elusive and Physically Abusive

It is estimate that every 9 seconds a woman is battered in the United States.  “A woman is more likely to be assaulted, injured, raped, or killed by a male partner that any other assailant.  Wife-beating results in more injuries that require medical treatment than rape, auto accidents, and muggings.  Abusive men who kill their partners serve an average of [only] two-to-six year prison terms.”  Does this read like an insert found in the scripted lines of a shocking horror movie?  Unfortunately, these are very true and appalling statistics that are reported by reliable sources, such as The Department of Justice and National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women.  This chapter identifies obstacles that prevent women from leaving abusive unhealthy relationships and the excuses batterers use to justify their behavior.  It also shows you many of the power-and-control methods men use to overpower women, and provides you with effective strategies to help you or a friend to get out safely.  Covered in detail are:
*The Six Different Abuses The Control Addict Uses
*The Six Manipulative Tactics That Abusers Practice
*12 Safety Tips That Can Help To Save Your Life
*10 Helpful Hints Which Can Save A Loved One’s Life

Throughout the 14 chapters, The Band-Aid Bond is quilted with well-mapped out effective healing exercises and specific anecdotes to help you to redefine who you are, decide who you will allow to take up space in your life, and discover how to heal any lingering heartache, so that you can finally start to enjoy a wholesome, productive life and love.  And this is exactly what you deserve to have, isn’t it?  

10 Good Choices That Empower Black Womens Lives

This book is dedicated to you who’ve decided to empower yourself in this lifetime. I had to write this insightful manual due to the hundreds of letters I received from women around the globe seeking my advice after reading the bestselling predecessor 10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women’s Lives. This critically-acclaimed Essence magazine and Barnes & Noble bestselling guidebook outlines ten positive choices that will help you create a new enchanting and empowered life. Although dedicated to African-American women, 10 Good Choices That Empower Black Women’s Lives speaks to the head, heart, and purpose of all women, regardless of ethnicity, culture, or marital status.

In many ways, life is like a lottery–you’ve got to play to win. But unlike the game of chance, you can control the draw. By facing your inner fears, getting rid of self-defeating behavior and unhealthy relationships, loving who you are, attracting prosperity and healthy love, and working to be the best you can– you can’t lose. The life-empowering principles in this guidebook will help bring out the winner in you. Its prescriptions and interactions will compel you to rethink what you have, to appreciate your true value– to really get in touch with and define your personal wants and needs in life– and go for it! I’ve chosen these three chapters to give you a brief glance into the insightful principles contained in this life-empowering book:

Good Choice #2: Accepting Better Love, Not Bitter Love

As a woman you’ve been conditioned from childhood to believe that someday Prince Charming will come along to rescue you. He will sweep you off your feet, take care of you, and you will live happily ever after. It is therefore natural for you to want an ideal mate to love, appreciate, and cherish you. Many sisters are involved in healthy relationships and happy marriages, but unfortunately, many more are not. A large number are still waiting for the promised fairy-tale romance to materialize. Others have given up hope of ever finding their prince and have settled for the court jester instead. Many have compromised their ethics and have resorted to having an affair with someone else’s mate. Still others have chosen celibacy to escape the hurt felt when Prince Charming turns out to be Prince Harming. A primary reason for love gone bad is that all too often we sell ourselves short, because we don’t believe in our own ability. Most people don’t acknowledge just how special they are. They haven’t been taught how. This chapter shows you how to develop a healthy self-worth and how to attract a healthy-minded mate.

Good Choice # 4: Turning Stumbling Blocks into Stepping Stones

Have you ever felt that you don’t know whether you’re going to make it, but you just know that you have to make it? Succeeding in life doesn’t always come easy. It takes a lot of persistence, perseverance, and courage. At times you’ll feel as if it’s hopeless. On some days, you may not be able to see the “light at the end of the tunnel.” On other days, you’ll cry like a baby. But no matter how discouraged you may be at times, sis, do not give up! Success may not come overnight, but it does come– if you’re determined to win. This is a given fact: You will win, sis. If you keep knocking at a door, it is bound to open. Either someone is going to hear you knock and let you in, or it will eventually fall off the hinges from your constant banging– but be assured, it will open. This chapter shows you how to break down barriers and create a successful, purposeful path in life.

Good Choice #6: Trusting Your Own Intuition

Everyday thousands of us come up with creative ideas. These ideas are brilliant, important, and interesting. But we ignore them. If we heard the same ideas from others, we would readily accept them. We wrongly underestimate the value of our thinking, while we falsely overestimate the thinking of others. Most people have more respect for others than they do for themselves. They wish they were in someone else’s body, joy, relationship, or lifestyle. This explains why so many people surrender to the dictates of others. We frequently allow another person to run our lives because we are afraid of losing that person’s love. So we sacrifice our own feelings in favor of his or hers. Once you decide to take charge of your life, who can dictate how quickly or how slowly your individual empowerment will take place? The answer is– only you and God, in partnership together. No one else on this earth can interfere with your progress, unless you wimp out and let them take charge. This is true for every area in your life: the personal, romantic, social, financial, and professional. It’s time to take back your power and your life– take it back from the bad relationships, bad careers, bad investments, bad company, and bad memories. It’s time for you to live a fuller, happier, more productive and wholesome life. This is your time to claim your blessings. God has given you the power of choice. 10 Good Choices shows you how to choose wisely, choose to win, and enjoy every moment!

You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis!

I’ve written this frank, lively volume to give single women a simple, workable plan to help them find their true ideal mate and cultivate a healthy love relationship, from dating to mating– and beyond.  You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! offers a practical and empowering prescription for rich, honest love that will withstand life’s challenges.  This Barnes & Noble bestseller is packed with insightful tips on how to date with the utmost confidence and avoid the damaging pitfalls that can sink even the strongest relationships.  Organized into seven sections, discussed in dept are pre-dating issues, particularly baggage from former affairs, dating advice and long-term relationship maintenance.  There is a special section which addresses the tricky early stages in courtship.  Although dedicated to African-American women, this healthy relationship building book is perfect for any woman who is tired of settling for Mr. Wrong and is ready to find healthy love with her soul mate.

I’ve selected these three chapters to give you a peek into the useful and helpful advice which is contained in this healthy relationship guidebook: 

Step #2: Check Your Signals Before You Wreck Your Choices

It is a blessing indeed to have a compatible mate you can work, play, and love with throughout life.  But in order to get to this stage, you have to get past the acquaintance and dating stages first.  Many times in the initial phases of our relationships, our intentions can be very easily misunderstood.  It is painful and disappointing when you think you’re putting your best foot forward, but then realize that the time and effort have all been in vain– not because the person was unkind or mean to you, but because your dialogue and the interchange you shared were not properly received.  Have this ever happened to you in the past?  This chapter shows you how to evaluate the personal messages you may be sending, directly or indirectly, to potential suitors.   

Step #3: Don’t Be Fooled–Read Him Well and Remove the Mask

Wouldn’t you like to be a “fly on the wall” and eavesdrop in order to get the scoop on what really goes on in men’s heads, hearts, and discussion groups?  Well, rest assured, I have done the work for you!  This chapter will answer a lot of questions for the wide range of women I frequently encounter in my travels, seminars, national conferences, and on TV and radio talk shows, who ask, “What happened?  He was so nice in the beginning, then he just changed. Why?”

Step #5: Refusing the Wrong Date and Choosing the Right Mate

Contrary to popular belief, there is a wide pool of available bachelors to pick, choose, and refuse if you’re willing to get out and expand your horizons.  Whether your soul mate is a banker, baker, or candlestick maker, you won’t be able to recognize him if your mind is clouded with preconceived notions.  It sometimes gets too overcrowded at the safe end of the pool.  For example, are you limiting your choices to a certain type?  It’s okay to have a preference– everyone does– but to be limited to only one type is self-defeating.  Sis, don’t just swim in the shallow end of the pool.  Sometimes when you swim in shallow waters, all you end up with are shallow-minded mates.  Be open to the idea that your soul mate may be packaged in a body temple that is outside the scope of what you think is your “type.”

This is not just another relationship book.  It is a tailor-made, well-crafted blueprint that will guide you step-by-step to achieving a better and healthier love live with a healthy-minded mate.  You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! shows you how to get to the heart of men’s motives, understand what makes them tick, create long-lasting relationship with them, and more important, meet and marry your very own soul mate (just as I did)!  After reading and following the seven steps in You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! within a short period, you too (like hundreds of women before), will be writing me to share the good news of finally getting the healthy relationship that you want and deserve!