My Healthy Love

Being involved in a love triangle is a no-win game!

November 7, 2007 on 4:00 am | In Relationship Discussions |

I just read a very disturbing report that a young 22-year-old pregnant woman and her unborn baby were both deliberately killed by another young woman over a man they were both involved with.  This gut-wrenching story happened in South Los Angeles, and was just released by CBS Broadcasting, Inc. and the Associated Press a few hours ago.  What a tragic and deplorable waste of human life!  Apparently, the two women arranged to meet at a gas station to discuss their involvement with the one man, then the confrontation turned into a ugly fight.  It is reported that as the five-month pregnant victim, Shontae Treniece Blanche, turned to walk away, the other woman, 21-year-old Unique Bishop, became enraged, got into her car, and intentionally rammed it into Blanche and three onlookers, violently killing Blanche and her baby and seriously injuring the others.  The report stated that Bishop fled the scene, then later turned herself in, and is now being held on $1 Million bail and facing murder charges. 

I’m truly saddened by this horrific ordeal.  I’m saddened because of these two young women—girls, barely past the threshold of young adulthood—whose lives have been destroyed by this senseless crime.  I’m especially grieving for Blanche and her family.  I’m not going to psychoanalyze Bishop’s mindset here because of the seriousness of this case, but I’m going to address the danger of being involved in a unhealthy three-way relationship.  As a relationship expert for TV talk shows and the in-house staff psychologist for the former Queen LatifahTV talk show, I deal with cases involving triangular relationships frequently.  The results are often the same: the two women always end up verbally or physically fighting each other, while the cheating man sits silently in the middle, and to the women’s surprise there is usually a third woman lurking around nearby.  On Page 17 of 10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women’s Lives, I describe how the cheater is usually involved with a Trina, Nina, and Gina at the same time.  However, let me be fair and balanced, and state that in many cases, the cheating men do not force the women to stay in the relationship, but the women themselves decide to stay to see who can win him over.  It’s a defeating unhealthy relationship game where no one wins.  I address this dilemma extensively on Page 65 of my bestselling book, The Band-Aid Bond (How to Break the Pattern of Unhealthy Loving).  In Chapter 5: Clinging to a Three-Way Love Affair, I expose the lies, cover-ups, and emotional entanglements involved in cheating relationships. 

I wish I had the opportunity to have met and coached both Blanche and Bishop before this tragedy occurred.  Maybe, just maybe, I could have helped to preserve and turn their lives around through my healthy relationship and life-empowerment books and programs.  Unfortunately, Bishop’s fate is beyond my help at this point and is now in the hands of law as a consequence for callously snuffing out someone else’s life because of emotional distraught.  

You know what I find especially senseless about this crime?  The reason why these two young women confronted each other was because of the man they were both involved with.  This led to them fighting over him, which resulted with one tragically murdered and the other in jail, therefore, neither of them will have him anyway.  No one wins!  Please let this sad, unfortunate situation be a wake-up call for all who are involved in defeating unhealthy three-way relationships.