My Healthy Love

The Band-Aid Bond

Being in love, doesn’t mean being in pain!  This book will save you from heartache and pain.  It is no secret that there is a growing epidemic of thousands of women who have a lot of healing and self-mending to do because of the emotional wear-and-tear caused by what I call band-aid bonding.   Band-Aid Bonding occurs when a woman is in a broken, unstable, unhealthy relationship, where she’s the emotional adhesive strip trying to hold it together by putting aside her own emotional scars, while covering up or tending to her mate’s toxic wounds.  Both my mother and aunt were murdered by their toxic mates from abusive relationships; therefore, I am on a serious mission through this book to get every woman out of all forms of detrimental and unhealthy relationships.  In a non-judgmental, but firm and loving manner, The Band-Aid Bond will help you to take a deep and thorough look at your own personal selection process and responsibilities for removing any unhealthy subconscious cover-up or denial in order to heal the deep-seated or hidden emotional wounds.  In this powerful relationship guide, which is organized in three profound healing sections with 14 chapters, I give both single and married women the necessary information and encouragement to: Discover the Signs, Uncover the Causes, and Recover from the Syndrome of an unhealthy relationship.   The Band-Aid Bond is endorsed by many of today’s leading psychologists, pastors, and marriage therapists.  An award-winning bestseller since 2004, this is not just a book, it’s a healing program. The following are three sample chapters in this life-changing book:  

Chapter #2: Mistaken Identity

Every week I receive numerous emails and letters from women who confide that they’re experiencing pain caused by the shock of realizing that their husbands or lovers aren’t who they thought they were initially involved with.  In this chapter, we will explore the dilemma of women who have been awakened to what’s described as “familiar strangers” in their beds and their lives.  You are shown specific behavioral patterns of dishonest, emotionally-unavailable, chameleon-like mates.  This will help you to discern and understand the hidden emotions and mindset of calculating tricksters.  If you are a single woman, you will be privy to early warning signals that will help you recognize the cunning tactics of the hit-n-run and bait-n-switch players before you get hooked.  If you are already married or involved in a relationship, you’ll benefit greatly from the necessary tools to help you decide what’s in your best interest and whether it will be worthwhile to carry on or best to move on.

Chapter #5: Clinging to a Three-Way Love Affair

This chapter investigates a taboo subject that too many relationship books erroneously neglect.  While Chapter 4 explore wives and steady girlfriends who were partially or fully neglected by mates, this one details mistresses or “outside women” who agonize over being involved with partially-available men.  Although there are many women who purposely hunt for married men and others who claim that by some act of fate, they just always “happen” to be entangled with somebody else’s mate, there are actually some cases of women who honestly did not find out that they were involved with a cheater during the initial few months of dating.  I believe that there are always clues– even though some are very subtle and hard to detect.  When a woman ignores her intuition, the still small voice within, and is plunged into the depth of infatuation, she becomes blinded by the possibilities of escalating love, and does not thoroughly check the man out before letting him deeper and deeper into her heart.  Then, by the time the fraudulent beau is exposed, or confesses that he is already married or involved, she has already fallen in love with him and deeply entrenched in a no-win unhealthy relationship situation.  This is a subject that needs to be dealt with in order to unravel the real reasons why a woman would have an affair with a married or already-involved man.  I fully analyze two distinct experiences:
1) Type A- The woman who was initially tricked because of mistaken trust.
2) Type B - The woman who willfully entered a three-way affair with the hopes of becoming the exclusive lover. 

Chapter #6: When He’s Dangerously Elusive and Physically Abusive

It is estimate that every 9 seconds a woman is battered in the United States.  “A woman is more likely to be assaulted, injured, raped, or killed by a male partner that any other assailant.  Wife-beating results in more injuries that require medical treatment than rape, auto accidents, and muggings.  Abusive men who kill their partners serve an average of [only] two-to-six year prison terms.”  Does this read like an insert found in the scripted lines of a shocking horror movie?  Unfortunately, these are very true and appalling statistics that are reported by reliable sources, such as The Department of Justice and National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women.  This chapter identifies obstacles that prevent women from leaving abusive unhealthy relationships and the excuses batterers use to justify their behavior.  It also shows you many of the power-and-control methods men use to overpower women, and provides you with effective strategies to help you or a friend to get out safely.  Covered in detail are:
*The Six Different Abuses The Control Addict Uses
*The Six Manipulative Tactics That Abusers Practice
*12 Safety Tips That Can Help To Save Your Life
*10 Helpful Hints Which Can Save A Loved One’s Life

Throughout the 14 chapters, The Band-Aid Bond is quilted with well-mapped out effective healing exercises and specific anecdotes to help you to redefine who you are, decide who you will allow to take up space in your life, and discover how to heal any lingering heartache, so that you can finally start to enjoy a wholesome, productive life and love.  And this is exactly what you deserve to have, isn’t it?  

10 Good Choices That Empower Black Womens Lives

This book is dedicated to you who’ve decided to empower yourself in this lifetime. I had to write this insightful manual due to the hundreds of letters I received from women around the globe seeking my advice after reading the bestselling predecessor 10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women’s Lives. This critically-acclaimed Essence magazine and Barnes & Noble bestselling guidebook outlines ten positive choices that will help you create a new enchanting and empowered life. Although dedicated to African-American women, 10 Good Choices That Empower Black Women’s Lives speaks to the head, heart, and purpose of all women, regardless of ethnicity, culture, or marital status.

In many ways, life is like a lottery–you’ve got to play to win. But unlike the game of chance, you can control the draw. By facing your inner fears, getting rid of self-defeating behavior and unhealthy relationships, loving who you are, attracting prosperity and healthy love, and working to be the best you can– you can’t lose. The life-empowering principles in this guidebook will help bring out the winner in you. Its prescriptions and interactions will compel you to rethink what you have, to appreciate your true value– to really get in touch with and define your personal wants and needs in life– and go for it! I’ve chosen these three chapters to give you a brief glance into the insightful principles contained in this life-empowering book:

Good Choice #2: Accepting Better Love, Not Bitter Love

As a woman you’ve been conditioned from childhood to believe that someday Prince Charming will come along to rescue you. He will sweep you off your feet, take care of you, and you will live happily ever after. It is therefore natural for you to want an ideal mate to love, appreciate, and cherish you. Many sisters are involved in healthy relationships and happy marriages, but unfortunately, many more are not. A large number are still waiting for the promised fairy-tale romance to materialize. Others have given up hope of ever finding their prince and have settled for the court jester instead. Many have compromised their ethics and have resorted to having an affair with someone else’s mate. Still others have chosen celibacy to escape the hurt felt when Prince Charming turns out to be Prince Harming. A primary reason for love gone bad is that all too often we sell ourselves short, because we don’t believe in our own ability. Most people don’t acknowledge just how special they are. They haven’t been taught how. This chapter shows you how to develop a healthy self-worth and how to attract a healthy-minded mate.

Good Choice # 4: Turning Stumbling Blocks into Stepping Stones

Have you ever felt that you don’t know whether you’re going to make it, but you just know that you have to make it? Succeeding in life doesn’t always come easy. It takes a lot of persistence, perseverance, and courage. At times you’ll feel as if it’s hopeless. On some days, you may not be able to see the “light at the end of the tunnel.” On other days, you’ll cry like a baby. But no matter how discouraged you may be at times, sis, do not give up! Success may not come overnight, but it does come– if you’re determined to win. This is a given fact: You will win, sis. If you keep knocking at a door, it is bound to open. Either someone is going to hear you knock and let you in, or it will eventually fall off the hinges from your constant banging– but be assured, it will open. This chapter shows you how to break down barriers and create a successful, purposeful path in life.

Good Choice #6: Trusting Your Own Intuition

Everyday thousands of us come up with creative ideas. These ideas are brilliant, important, and interesting. But we ignore them. If we heard the same ideas from others, we would readily accept them. We wrongly underestimate the value of our thinking, while we falsely overestimate the thinking of others. Most people have more respect for others than they do for themselves. They wish they were in someone else’s body, joy, relationship, or lifestyle. This explains why so many people surrender to the dictates of others. We frequently allow another person to run our lives because we are afraid of losing that person’s love. So we sacrifice our own feelings in favor of his or hers. Once you decide to take charge of your life, who can dictate how quickly or how slowly your individual empowerment will take place? The answer is– only you and God, in partnership together. No one else on this earth can interfere with your progress, unless you wimp out and let them take charge. This is true for every area in your life: the personal, romantic, social, financial, and professional. It’s time to take back your power and your life– take it back from the bad relationships, bad careers, bad investments, bad company, and bad memories. It’s time for you to live a fuller, happier, more productive and wholesome life. This is your time to claim your blessings. God has given you the power of choice. 10 Good Choices shows you how to choose wisely, choose to win, and enjoy every moment!

You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis!

I’ve written this frank, lively volume to give single women a simple, workable plan to help them find their true ideal mate and cultivate a healthy love relationship, from dating to mating– and beyond.  You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! offers a practical and empowering prescription for rich, honest love that will withstand life’s challenges.  This Barnes & Noble bestseller is packed with insightful tips on how to date with the utmost confidence and avoid the damaging pitfalls that can sink even the strongest relationships.  Organized into seven sections, discussed in dept are pre-dating issues, particularly baggage from former affairs, dating advice and long-term relationship maintenance.  There is a special section which addresses the tricky early stages in courtship.  Although dedicated to African-American women, this healthy relationship building book is perfect for any woman who is tired of settling for Mr. Wrong and is ready to find healthy love with her soul mate.

I’ve selected these three chapters to give you a peek into the useful and helpful advice which is contained in this healthy relationship guidebook: 

Step #2: Check Your Signals Before You Wreck Your Choices

It is a blessing indeed to have a compatible mate you can work, play, and love with throughout life.  But in order to get to this stage, you have to get past the acquaintance and dating stages first.  Many times in the initial phases of our relationships, our intentions can be very easily misunderstood.  It is painful and disappointing when you think you’re putting your best foot forward, but then realize that the time and effort have all been in vain– not because the person was unkind or mean to you, but because your dialogue and the interchange you shared were not properly received.  Have this ever happened to you in the past?  This chapter shows you how to evaluate the personal messages you may be sending, directly or indirectly, to potential suitors.   

Step #3: Don’t Be Fooled–Read Him Well and Remove the Mask

Wouldn’t you like to be a “fly on the wall” and eavesdrop in order to get the scoop on what really goes on in men’s heads, hearts, and discussion groups?  Well, rest assured, I have done the work for you!  This chapter will answer a lot of questions for the wide range of women I frequently encounter in my travels, seminars, national conferences, and on TV and radio talk shows, who ask, “What happened?  He was so nice in the beginning, then he just changed. Why?”

Step #5: Refusing the Wrong Date and Choosing the Right Mate

Contrary to popular belief, there is a wide pool of available bachelors to pick, choose, and refuse if you’re willing to get out and expand your horizons.  Whether your soul mate is a banker, baker, or candlestick maker, you won’t be able to recognize him if your mind is clouded with preconceived notions.  It sometimes gets too overcrowded at the safe end of the pool.  For example, are you limiting your choices to a certain type?  It’s okay to have a preference– everyone does– but to be limited to only one type is self-defeating.  Sis, don’t just swim in the shallow end of the pool.  Sometimes when you swim in shallow waters, all you end up with are shallow-minded mates.  Be open to the idea that your soul mate may be packaged in a body temple that is outside the scope of what you think is your “type.”

This is not just another relationship book.  It is a tailor-made, well-crafted blueprint that will guide you step-by-step to achieving a better and healthier love live with a healthy-minded mate.  You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! shows you how to get to the heart of men’s motives, understand what makes them tick, create long-lasting relationship with them, and more important, meet and marry your very own soul mate (just as I did)!  After reading and following the seven steps in You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! within a short period, you too (like hundreds of women before), will be writing me to share the good news of finally getting the healthy relationship that you want and deserve! 

10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women’s Lives

This book is written for you. It will guide you to successfully face and remove the obstacles that are keeping you from getting the loving and the healthy relationship that you deserve. My mother’s death is the foundation upon which I wrote this book. When I was ten years old, my beautiful young mother was murdered in front of me by her obsessive ex lover who became a stalker. Several years later my aunt met a similar fate. I’ve openly shared their tragic and unhealthy relationship stories with you in this honest relationship  book to help you avoid being victimized by any similar experience.
 
This classic Essence magazine and Barnes & Noble bestseller is a lively provocative guide that shows you how to successfully face and remove the obstacles that keep you from achieving the happy, healthy relationship you deserve. Although dedicated to African-American women 10 Bad Choices exposes the emotional, social, and psychological roadblocks all women unconsciously place  in the way of their own successes. It also equips both single and married women with the tools to tear down these barriers. I’ve analyzed ten of the most common mistakes women make in their lives regarding men and show you how to avoid or correct them.

Relying on case studies, interview, and the letters received, I’ve compiled this frank and refreshing relationship manual to get to the heart of the matter by illuminating why many contemporary women, no matter how smart, savvy, and successful, continue to make unhealthy relationship choices and lose at the dating game, and shows them how to face, erase and replace these problems. The winner of many awards, a favorite in several reading groups around the country, and endorsed by numerous relationship experts, 10 Bad Choices will free you from past disasters, correct present mistakes, and prevent future unhealthy relationship mishaps.

I’ve selected these three chapters to give you a brief insight of the honest discussion that is contained in this relationship book:

Bad Choice #1: Sisters Dissin’ Sisters

 Have you ever wondered why so many women choose to be so competitive with and disrespectful of each other? Have you ever been in a situation where a friend or acquaintance has gossiped about you, betrayed your trust, and/or flirted heavily or cheated with your man? In this chapter, you’ll find out the distasteful, yet common practice of women disrespecting other women, whether over a man, money, or job, and how to avoid being a victim.

 Bad Choice #4:  Exchanging “Sexual Dealings” for Loving Feelings

We have all heard the saying “haste makes wastes”, but too often we fail to apply the logic to sex in our relationships. Very often women surrender sex too soon without a compatible, monogamous agreement, secretly hoping that somewhere along the way the man will eventually fall in love with them. And when he fails to make a deeper commitment, or pulls a disappearing act, we become broken-hearted. We get hurt because we fool ourselves into believing that if a man enjoys having sex with us, enjoys breathing hard and enjoys coming back for repeated performances, then it must mean he is in love with us. This chapter shows you that what he is in love with is the performance, not the performer. He may appreciate you for sharing the act with him, but in his mind appreciation does not equal commitment. 

Bad Choice #6: Staying On, Although Respect Has Gone

When popular recording artist Tina Turner released the song “What’s Love Got to Do with It?”, it immediately catapulted to the top of the music charts around the globe. This woman endured her own hellish nightmare with an abusive, disrespectful husband for years.Had she not fled for her life, she probably wound not have been alive to sing this song of survival which struck a familiar chord deep within millions of us. What’s extremely alarming is the number of women who remain in life-threatening relationships rather than seek help from a friend, a professional, or anyone because they are either afraid or too embarrassed to “air their dirty laundry out in public.” Using candid accounts of my own mother’s story, this chapter will encourage and strengthen you to understand that is better to be alive with a little dirty laundry than to be dead with all the clean linen in the world. If respect is gone, it’s time to move on.

Throughout this book, I share with you my personal stories as well as stories of other women (and men) from my private consultations, my advice on national TV talk shows, in seminars, workshops and my relationship columns. Some of the stories may sadden you, others may amuse you, some may anger you, and many may shock you, but all will certainly have an important impact on your life. They will give you a candid picture of how to avoid the 10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women’s Lives.

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